It’s supposed to be Spring but down in the Bay we are stuck in the four seasons in one day weather pattern. Today I have the fire going and the dog is curled up on his blanket. Yesterday I was stripped to the waist (not a pretty sight at my age) putting battens on a fence whilst the old dog pretended he could catch a few rabbits. Who knows what the weatherman will serve up for us tomorrow …
The sea has been a bit rough for fishing and the water far too dirty for diving and I gave the whitebaiting away a few years ago when the legs couldn’t hold me up for the day. The seafood diet is therefore on hold and for the time being I have been sampling whatever I can find in the pantry topped off with fresh veggies out of my garden.
And I have been catching up on my reading too – looking back over some old favourites and getting into some new stuff, some of which I have been reading online. Strike me lucky the world is turning isn’t it? That internet is just full of self-styled influencers and persons with opinions, many of whom are woefully short on facts. That’s always a good test of what you’re reading – find what your author is saying about something you really know about. If they have that wrong then you can be sure they have most other topics wrong as well.
Like most blokes I do enjoy a bit of homespun humour – Barry Crump and Fred Dagg had some great observations about life in New Zealand. I was rummaging through my bookshelf last night and found a notebook with a few fishing tales of my own that I collected many years ago. I hope these bring a smile to your dial.
Lobster Tale #1
A gentleman accompanied by his small fox terrier once visited his fishmonger. Seeing some live lobsters on the counter he asked if they were fresh.
“Fresh!” exclaimed the fishmonger, “just put your dog’s tail near one of their claws and you’ll soon see if they’re not fresh enough”.
Tickled with the idea, the dog’s tail was instantly presented to the largest of those very fine lobsters – which quickly seized it and held on tightly.
Down jumped the dog, howling loudly – and off he ran homeward with the lobster still attached to his tail.
“Whistle your dog back sir; call him back!” cried the fishmonger.
“I will not” said the old gentleman, “you whistle your lobster back!” And off he went, homeward bound.
Lobster Tale #2
Old Jack was an old retired farmer of rather dilapidated appearance whose scruffy singlet was occasionally seen peeping through his well-worn shirt and whose elbows insisted on struggling through his coat sleeves to daylight. Old Jack was very fond of lobsters and took it into his head one day to price some of them at the fish market.
Attracted by one particularly large one he asked of the middle-aged lady behind the counter “how much for the lobster?”
“Fifty dollars” she replied.
“Fifty dollars! Whew – that is a big price. I suppose that lobster is good and fresh though?” said Old Jack
“Fresh?” said the lady behind the counter, “why, can’t you see that it is alive mister?”
“Alive!” exclaimed Old Jack, “you reckon it is fresh just because it is alive? Bless your heart dear, that doesn’t prove nothin’. We are both of us alive but neither of us is fresh anymore!”
Catch you next month folks.
